So, Im grouchy. Pat started my morning off with the usual pat-shit-bang. :/ then i come in here, to the shop, and get completely overwhelmed. the cat starts being .. well, Himself, and Maggs comes home tired form school which in turn, makes her cry and fuss at anything and everything. And then - bang! Chaos. :( SUCKS ALL ASS. I wish there was some sort of after school program she could go to so she would be occupied instead of being here, bored and cranky. Poor thing. She puts up with me so well.
Than there are all the little things i want to do in here- all the random coolnesses that pop up, that i just lose in all the chaos that is my physical surroundings. I hate the mess i live in. I want some clarity on all the stuff around me- i want the laundry and dishes done, i want the back room cleaned... i want the chaos that is in my soul lifted. :/
someone said that they live a drama free life. im glad. and i want to as well. I want clean, clear flowing life.
and i want people in the shop. A lot. I want to be busy, i want to do things that matter.
oh, and how about my man? WTF? hahah!! with this energy there isnt a man alive that would want to be near me rite now. Although being close to someone might relieve some stress- boost some energy. Even just a good hug.i am at the point where i just want to close down for the day.. i want to go run into the nothingness and play. but on the other hand. as strange as it seems, there's this mirror in the back room, and it keeps inspiring me. its calling me for some reason, inspiring me to work in the back, be beautify and magic it up. and Why not? I have always done so before, made things amazing.
I need someone to share all this with, like a partner in crime. someone to help me have drive.. they say that its all within self, that we should be complete and whole alone, that we need no other. that is bullshit. and i, myself, have spoken such bullshit in the past. Let me tell you- i am SO not innocent of this idiotic thought process. it is, in no way possible to know yourself if you are not reflected back to yourself via one of infinite ways. The human race being the top of the pile. We, as humans are pack animals first of all- so if you want to go with the physical, scientific proof- start there- we CANNOT be alone, its not what we are designed to do. and anyone who tells you otherwise is a bullshitter. Then lets go tot the non-physial- the Soul. How the HELL do people think they can know themselves if they dont have experiences with other people that engage the decision making process? we HAVE GOT TO make a solid label for the things we do and do not like- IE- Good and Bad, yes and Noe, up and down - this is for me, this is not for me- and in turn- THIS IS WHO I AM. and how do we do this boys and girls? HUMAN INTERACTION!!! yes, human interaction gives s the viable mirror to see our own selves based on the reactions and action we have and take in relationship o those other HUMAN BEINGS around us (Human Beings- We are spiritual BEINGS having a HUMAN experience Kiddies!)REFLECT. CONFLICT. RESOLUTION. DECISIONS. DEFINITION of self. Hi. this is how it works- and this is why we NEED other people in our lives. its is not NOT not possible to know your own self by your own self. light cannot know it is light if it has never seen dark. its just IT. no definition, nothing to use as a boundary to experience other facets of existence, no color to be had. we HAVE to have definition, just like we have to have bones to hold up the flesh, in order to move around and to experience the outer and experience r inner.
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