Dead ends and Magic

When I seemingly hit a dead end I weep and go through my emotions. 

And then I remember my magic. This evening has been something of a checks and balance time. Weighing what my personal system and beliefs in power are vs what I am doing in life presently. 

And tonight I did some magic for the forward movement 

My business needs to be put back together. It is time. I've said it now I've set the motion. 

Under my blessedly beautiful dry dusty desert moon.....

  

I set intentions and asked Raven for her help....

And released the how's to the Universal Magic of I Am. 

And in perfect love and perfect trust I know the funding for sun moon stars herbals restart and restock of supplies comes and starts NOW. 

Amen and Thank You. ;)

Fuck this.

I am currently livid. And disappointed and upset. My current employer is such a fucking nutcase that I can no longer handle it. She's threatened me one too many times. Today I was informed by a co worked that she said I had best wear my hardest armor tomorrow because of something I did wrong. I don't even know what it was. 

Something about 7mm bezels. And that someone is going to die if this shit doesn't stop fucking happening. 

I don't even know what I did wrong.

I am looking for a new job. 

Sunday

so, I know that being in a new place is scary, and always has doubts. Ive been here almost 6 months. I've been working and Maggie has been in school, we've moved and had to make a new community for ourselves. I know it took me at least a year to even start to find my good friends in NH. Of course I have doubts. I am rather uninspired as of yet. I have seen and done so much, nothing is really new and exciting, though there are times when I am so grateful for the sunshine and warm. Finally I am out of the dark- and FINALLY I can house and feed us. (barely- but it's getting better).
I miss K, and I miss Brandon, and I miss Eliza.. and I miss the trees and my little Rollinsford community, but. I don't feel like a failure anymore. I don't feel completely stuck and in a dead end.
i am just waiting for inspiration now.
and I we need to figure out this whole school issue with Maggie. the one she is going to is NOT working for us.
anyways.
People here that I have yet to meet are SO different than what I am use to. New England people are RUMORED to be ugly and rude. heh. I think NE has been pigeonholed into BOSTON... or New York. Cause what people think of all of NE is just Massholes driving. ;) New Englanders are genuine. They aren't catty and selfish. Rather communal people who hold each other accountable for their actions. Nice to see.
Interesting to have the comparison.
I want to go to Unity of the Valley today. I am wanting to be brave and go.. but Maggie doesn't want to, and Erica isn't home to hang with her. Oi.
I'll get there. I need to find my own new community, the spiritual one I am use to. Those who get who I am and what I know.
I do love sitting in the sun. I have to say.
And I got an English Long Bow 2 days ago. I LOVE it.
Love. not just kind of.
well.. birds and sun. :)

Jeez.

I think new Hamphire spoiled me. I think that this valley is pretty but full of flipping nut cases. I've not encountered this much drama in my life. It's insanity. I am really missing my nh community. Heh are normal. 

Yep.

Boy was I wrong. 

Engaged. And it happened a while ago

....it's going to take a very long time to adjust. And then to learn a new person as well as I knew pat. 

daffodil dreaming.

so, tonight is better. Maggie spent the day at Jenn's, and despite supposedly spending the night over there, is peacefully tucked into her bed in the next room over.
heh.
and she had a good day. and that does my heart good.
I talked to Jenn and Meg about my fears today, and Jenn reassured me that kids 'bounce back' and to give it time, she will be okay. I am grateful to have good people in my life, especially other women who understand kids. it's good, for me and maggie.
Today was easy at work, no troubles with the director. dictator. what have you. some days I want to call her nothing more than tyrant. But.. she is human. and I try to remember she lives in fear of her world crashing. I just wish she could let go and flow and be okay and happy.
meh. whateva'
so.. i am also intrigued. Probably over nothing.. but.. Pat asked what time it was here vs there.. after i reminded him he was *still* on the phone with me (he usually tries to get away from talking to me asap every phone call...), and then he asked me if i am working tomorrow.. and what time.
..he never does that. Maybe he was just thinking of calling?
and of course my brain goes waaaay far out left field.
(and goes over and over details.. like Erica saying 'He's NOT living with us'. after I told her i thought he was acting weird..)
meh. It's probably nothing and I'll probably be disappointed tomorrow night, but it's nice to day dream.
Maggie would be so over the moon and I think I would cry and cry and cry if ... well..
whatever. I'll just go to sleep on that thought.
I'm grateful for Maggie having a good day, and my fears being numbed tonight about her.

..

the only regret I have about coming back here is that Maggie has no friends yet. it's been months. She has some at school, I suppose...
We were spoiled in Rollinsford. We had an amazing community, but I could not sustain there... I couldn't keep us above water. Here, I can support us- I can feed and home us. It was not possible there :/
I thought we found a neighborhood friend... turns out not so much.
Poor Maggie, it breaks my heart. I just want to send her home.
More like I just want to send her to Karen's, where I know she will be loved, and cared for. Where I know she can go back to her friends and her home.
Sigh.
I am so sad for her. I pray every day she adjusts... but it's not happening. Maybe she needs a new school. Maybe we need a new community (Unity has a church here, and one in Sedona...) Maybe all of these other things...
but all I want is for her to be happy.
and she was-
in New Hampshire.
:/
I wasn't.
breaks my heart.