Saturday... saturday.

Today. Today I work on Magical Space. I grasp at core things needing to be retwined. It is a reweaving of soul. The pattern has changed and so the threads have some misconceptions in their spacing. As I come across them, I will be imbibing them with new energy, different colors and warmths than they have had pastly. Today is of WildDen and Future allowance workings. Today is new day of orbs and weaving strands of golden light. Today is of new soul songs and clear vibrations of twinkling sharp imagery.
Today.

Snow Dog

The weather has been pure snow for the past 12+ hours. it has been interesting to watch, and I am glad to have a good home to be in. I am totally loving my basement den. It is not finished by far, but it for sure is half started! i can sit near the window comfortably and drink tea and write this blog.
I have been listening to Rush for a few days now. Thank gods for them, they are putting my soul back in working order. It is beautiful to sit with my feet up in my favorite chair in the library I have always dreamed of, looking to one side & seeing birds and snow drifts and to the other my antique desk, steaming tea, cards and lamp. I am so happy to be making my personal space. SO grateful. I am happy to have the pull to paint again. oh, oh, dear soul.. dear soul...
I am so happy with this new found piece of mind, peace in soul. All because a hideaway piece of ground... magical beautiful things.
Paint. I want to paint again...
*sigh* Pull....

I never...

I never wanted to be 'an herbalist'. I only wanted the training to be more self reliant and closer to nature. I took it to an extreme. I did good with it, and it was nice, but it was never an intention to make it my identity.
And i am relieved to be able to release it.
Tonight, I am very tired, but I am writing, because I can feel the underlying flow of inspiration. I can feel something... something coming up from under.
Its like a bulb pushing through the soil, bloom aiming upwards- reaching for the sun, knowing it is going to break through.
I have been listening to Rush. It pulls my soul... more than most.
Memories of a distant future-past melding into heart song of paint flow to paper & horizons....
Tear down of physical definition to rebuild and enliven my soul. This is the theme of my life now. I am in appreciation of it.
... and this is my beauty.

.

Nisu Day. I don't want to affirm my yuck, but I dislike the ... whole. I want to be in the woods, in a quiet place of solitude Hobbit hole just watching the birds and doing my own thing...

Dreamers turn to Look at the Cards...

 

....All of us get lost in the darkness, Dreamers learn to steer by the stars...

I did. 

Desert, Sky, Car, Open roads. 

I don't know what I would have done with Geddy's Voice, without Neil's Timing, with out Alex's reverb. Without them, I would have lost the will to fight. They taught me the magic of soul, they held my hand when all else was hurt anger and evil. I applaud them, I bless them, and my life is in gratitude to them.

There is art in my soul, pain flow to paper, there is magic in my fingers, there is knowing in my Soul.

Songs of time and sea, song and dance, and old tan corduroy pants. 

There are sides and sides and sides and sides to me.

There is release and no relief... There is understanding and a path long walked and never will the wander end. 

There are keyboards clicking and water spilling.

Spiderplants and nightmareish memory energy. 

There are orange velvet chairs and windows too small to release.

There is a wooden deck where the sun and moon rise and dream flow freer than any open sky.

There are Electrical storms in my veins, and pools of gleaming star water.

There is ego and flow, 

there is wind of change, and reverb of piscean soul.

There are fringes and flames

There are never forgotten dreams put aside and pulled out past the doldrums of modern america.

There are reelings against the man, and hearts of hobbit holes and flows of Verde.

This here and this now are meld, are moldings, are all one thing in all this and all that. 

This is eyes to the skies and bootlace.

This is looking through hollow logs, listening to singing frogs, and blues and purple paint.

This is big hair, green drink, and me. 

....and... Me....

...and I

I know that these things I now experience are those which will allow me to feel the fullness of Who I AM in the future. I will be able to feel the joy of hula hooping in twirling-swirling skirts on a Summer day because I felt the way I have now in this Winter dark.
And I can Appreciate that.

Redefine.

Redefinition.
(....That is the name of the game now.
Stupid way of putting it, but it's true.....)
Coming back to core, to a core I have built as I did other life-ly things. Like a notebook set aside for later reading.
I am now looking at the book, and this alien thing is to be integrated and lived.
A beautiful option, for sure.
Core Scents, Feels, Knowings.
And somewhat a battle.
Reeling and Allowing...
Recognizing and Building New.
So here I Am.
*sigh*

thinking when these things fleet by....

There are these fleeting things I get.... Thoughts and feelings of disassociation. Disasociation from the community I am in...
See, it's like this- It comes down to being Genuine. I am all for people finding their light, for people helping others, and I know that it takes all kinds to connect with all people. It just depends on the vibration of those looking to be reached, or reaching out. Like attracts like, and all the vibes must mesh.
However.
I have been working with a community that doesn't seem to suit me. It seems rather ego driven and plastic play-pretend.
or maybe its me. It's most likely me....
I think I am at a different vibration anymore and cannot interact with just anyone. I do what I can, but.... *sigh*
There is a professionalism that I would expect from those in service to others, and it is sorely lacking at the center I am working through. Their hearts are in the rite place, i think... but ... discernment is lacking. This could turn out poorly in the end, seeing as how they are putting way too many people together doing way too much... i think. And what I am noticing, is that the ones who are there, many are ego driven and just starting out.
There is a good thought in having an unnamed talent for your whole life, and then taking a class and the light bulb goes off.. but it is another thing to go to a class and decide you want to do that, too- when it's not in your blood.
...when you are there for your ego.. and money.
I can't stay there long.. I can start them a project and then remove myself from the whole thing. 

Any ways.. on a lighter note, I am looking forward to a basement filled with creation. A place of zen, inspiration, love and joy. A place of Bohemian Beauty and Goodness.
I am looking forward to brewing things in jars, to creating things to sell, things to share, things to inspire others and help! I am looking forward to Flowing in the Stream of Inspiration Creations! Ahhhh my soul! :D
I look forward to having my plants back, to having a bonsai again and green, growing things.
And its almost Nisu day. Yep.

Breakthrough

I feel as though I am waiting on a major breakthrough.
I feel as though I want to be something so different than I have been, like my old label of 'herbalist' and 'sunmoonstars' doesn't fit anymore. I want to stop, Take time and change. Rejuvenate. But I committed to something. I think I am going to change the commitment. Start them off then let them do it themselves.
I am happy to be working with the garden club. That is new, that is my passion. Plants, growing, sustainable living.

I want to live in ways that are beautiful.

I Am wanting to start all clean, and follow a beautiful passion that is amazing and good. A soul-filling purposeful life. 

I know I have already touched many lives, and I don't want to discredit that. I am grateful to have had the opportunity to help many people, and hold beautiful space. 

And now it is time for something new. And for that, I am grateful.

Newness

The newness of this place. It is so big, and to fill it with so much is... a lot to be.
I was looking on pinterest, and gaining so much inspiration.
But I am tired. I want to tell people that I am so tired.. I want to scream it to the world in a whisper and then fall into a refreshing deep sleep. I want to sleep for days and wake up beautiful, refreshed and happy. I feel like if I say that I am tired, I am complaining and whining. But really, I am so tired. So Very, Very, Very tired. ...and it;s not going away.
I want to make this home beautiful, Magical and Perfectly amazing. I cannot even begin to think about doing it though... I try. I do little pieces and then stop, because I am so tired. I am overwhelmed.
I look at the stacks of boxes and sigh and walk away. I don't even know where to start because I don't have the energy to do any of it. But I keep trying.
I think maybe all the years of pushing has lead me to exhaustion point. The problem with that is that I cannot be tired now. I need to be okay. I need to be able to use the wonderful gift of time I have wisely and to my advantage. I want to, I dream of it. I need rest. I need to sleep. I have a little time... maybe I will go nap.

This new

This new Here and now.... with its familiar unfamiliarity. The always new empty uncomfortable voids that taste of unrecognized energies. These will become fondly remembered uncomfortable spots in times to come. The light of newness will fade and heavy comfort ability will settle in.

I never know if I love or hate the new times in a new environment.
I want to be settled into the magic of this life, I want to not have the weird pangs of  empty cold this newness gives.
It takes a lot to fill empty places with solid warmth of Magical light, with soft wisps of Zen coolness.
Many levels. Many things.
Much goodness. Just lots of ingredients.

Home.

THis place, this time, this day is so beautiful I could cry. I have an  sense of peace and excitement so big... it's almost overwhelming. I am Home. I have placed candles and fountains in my Kitchen. I am putting away food into real places, I will set up a table soon. My child has a family, My children have a home. I have a place. I have a life, I have beauty and family. I am ..... happy. I am at peace....
For the first time in what seems like a lifetime, I feel excited. I feel Joy, I feel Happy. This is so beautiful.
And Universe? I am So Grateful... Thank you. <3 br="br">