so grateful.

It's interesting, what's important to people... the little things that mean so much. My sister bought a Pyrex Measuring cup the other day, and you would have thought it was the biggest act of rebellion and greatest gift for herself. Made me laugh. I understand where she was coming from....
We are here, in Arizona. There is a wind today that is neither warm nor frozen. I am glad for it... I am glad to be in a land of nonexcess. (well, until Summer I suppose.. but I am okay with that part). Pieces parts are familliar, memory sparks from an adult perspective and then the emotion surrounding things change.
Healing ensues.
I have a hard time with looking back at NH. I have had to make it a point to not see images of my old home, of my old belongings. It was said that this was the same to a friend, our move, as her divorce.... And I have to say, it strangely is that for me as well. It feels like when I left Shane for NH. Knowing all the things that I built for so long I had left behind. Not being able to see or hear about my old house because my things were there, being used by people I didnt know. Resentment filled any space that was left in that old home.. which is now here, in this Valley...
But in time, it faded, after 13 years, I don't remember.. because I built new memories, acquired new things.
I will do that again. My gypsy cave, my artist lair, my WildDen will be rebuilt.. but in a Merlin Fashion. The only missing element of the past. I will have our own home, where hurt and anger and resentment do not reside. Where silliness abounds, like it does now. Where family, and Holidays and Tradition are of utmost importance - as they are here and now, and will never leave again.

It has taken me a bit to readjust to this new life, a life that is actually my own true level of comfort. It is like stepping back into a pair of my favorite comfortable shoes. This is the life I remember, This is how  I was programmed, this is the good stuff. The silly daily life of christmas lights and counters needing to be cleared. The running kids to school and whats for dinner comforts.
I am so very grateful to be living this life, a normal life, a comforting, fitting life...
My soul is calm, and my heart no longer aches or has static.
Its new, and it's good.
And I am so grateful....