Green and Grateful

this morning is full of rebirthing ideas and ideals.
This past week I watched as a life long goal and dream crumbled in my hands. I was handed a plot of land and a house- of my own, 4 acres, 4 bedrooms.... but it was not what it had once been. And it had rotted and dissolved into dark ugliness over the years. Though those are details and rather pointless they set the solid decision of change and release. (on my part, and the owner's part)
So, now, there is an open space where that image of thought had always been... for almost 20 years.
And it feels so clear. And surprisingly good.
The events of this past week have been very positive in spite of their seemingly crushing appearance, in ways I know I don't fully understand, but In ways I Know the Universe had planned and has in beautiful store full for me. 
And in truth, I am kind of excited.
My heart is glad. In some strange way, I know all good things are here.
I was so attached to this valley for THAT land, for THAT space.
And when I went... it was like a dead prison, a place I didn't recognize in the least. It was heavy, sick and dark.
and broken.

And now released.

And what a clear feeling it is to have done so.

And I am grateful.

:)

I am, this morning, delving into roots, Feeling my source, re-membering my earth, air, fire and waters.
More Roots than anything. A beautiful song and incense and flame filled morning.
And I am Grateful.....

gifts.

I really should record these weird eye-watering, dream induced things that happen in my life. The things Universe throws at me to tell others. The pieces of information I am to pass on that I don't understand, but wish I did.
But, I forget them in time, because I have done what I am told, and I keep going..
Only the massive ones remain.
But I know I cause ripples of change via the information, and that is what I am supposed to do.
Grateful, and annoyed all at once is weird.
The anger and sadness is hard when I am too late though... *sigh*

.

there are times when I am reminded why I closed myself off for the last 19 years....

So much more...

There is so much more.
So many things I never knew I could be, or be part of or ways I would react, or be reacted to.
I deserve this.
I enjoy this.
I am enough for this.
I am looking forward to this. Every day.

Today, I am feeling well, I feel like myself a bit, and a pull. I have been working for someone else's dream lately -  I had forgotten my own. I only remembered that I once had one, and what it sort of looked like. I remembered it was there, but that I was so very tired.
But in working on someone else's dream, I have remembered my own... my own whys and whats. I remember the smell of the things I love, I remember their colors.
I am looking very much forward to being fully in that dream again. Fully in my own shoes. Fully in my own space and time of creation.
And this is good.

I am no longer scared of the world crashing down, I am comfortable as of late. I feel as though I have been gifted sanctuary in life. I am grateful for that.
I am grateful to recognize the worth of all that is good, and to understand the why of all that is not, and to move through it in love and trust.

I have much positivity presently.
I have many gifts in my life.
I AM.

sunrise

Sunrise.
Coffee.
Birds.
Cool Air.
I think what I miss the most about NH is being able to grow anything. The plants.
Of course, the people too...
But the plants.
I am very much lately realizing I have, in the readjustment phase of this massive move to Az, left out of my life much of the rituals that make my life very enjoyable. I have numbed out of my daily plant watering, singing kitchen food preparation, joyful medicine making, candle burning things.
I Push them off until 'we get out to the house'. I know that is not rite, but I don't feel like this household, under these circumstances, is the way and place to settle in and let Magic abound. I think these thoughts, even though I know I would give the opposite advice to anyone I would talk to about it in their own life.
Guess I am just a one-woman household lover.(or something to that effect.) There really is only room for my own female presence (and Maggie's of course) in the kitchen and home... rather strong personality.
Anyways, I am very much looking forward to finding my sweet spot again. I miss it, and I feel pieces of it drift in here and there. I do little things, I have candles in my room, and keep rosemary around, and incense in my room.
But.. I very much look forward to having this for my whole of my surroundings - my home, our home. I am very much looking to get back to my spiritual center. Fire in the Autumn reminding of the harvest, Fire in the Winter to create glow, Sprouting tendrils in the spring, and eding those sprouts in the summer...
Reconnection with my loving earth, with the laughing expanse of sky, with the fullness of my heart. Incenses and Mortar and Pesil, Jars of life force, pots bubbling on the stove, sharing knowledge with others. Birds and dogs, Open expanse of land.
Goodness.

.....light and humble bravery.

"You're beautiful enough, Dawn.

You're special enough.

You're sexy, playful, and fun enough.

You've worked enough.

You've cried enough.

You've been grateful, generous, and kind enough.

Okay, then?
    The Universe




...I'm not the one who needs convincing, Dawn, nor have I been the one holding it back, dude. Love yourself as we love you."

peace

I am very much looking forward to 'going home'. I am daydreaming of what I will do to the house, and the land. I am looking forward to being grounded, to feeling free and at peace. I am waiting, but I am pushing.
Is it time yet?
I have been listening to Pagan Music lately, and it is really touching my soul. Chants of goddess, earth and seasons.
It is good.
I am solitary, I hide in my bedroom quite a bit when My family is alone, the older I get the more I want peace and calm and quiet. Candle flame and Feather.
Soon I will walk through my home in solitude and peace.
and For that I am grateful.