Upon waking

I woke up with this thought in my head - there's two kinds of love between people. There's the one where you meet someone and you fall head over heels

In love and it either stays or it doesn't. Then there's the love that grows from time. You meet some one and for whatever reason they stay in your life and over time you just grow to love them. They will always be with you. The love is bond, family, forever becauSe it grew. It wasn't at first sight it wasn't something you put there because of a relationship. It's organic. 

There is such a difference between the two. One is fabricated as a result of a situations expectations and one is soul weaving without acknowledgement. 

I woke to open window birdsong this morning. Beautiful. 

Imagining

I am imagining that it should be nice to be me. I am imagining a new me. A sturdy me. A connected and respected me.
I am imagining a New Me.....

thoughts becomeing things

Thoughts...become....Things....

So, as of late I am real-ing in my own thoughts, watching and noticing how I am be-ing and trying to switch gears. I am seeing things that are interesting to me... calls for my products VS what I am doing daily. Things that I enjoy VS my triggers.
I am skittering around this move into this new place, uneasy but working on it. I somehow don't feel its real, but that is okay. I will settle in for a while, hunker down and see what happens with it.
I am seeing new avenues for my products, and I am liking that.
I am seeing the good light at the end of the long tunnel I have been in, thankfully. Regardless of all the things I have had piled in fear space, It is all clearing, and I am glad.
so. yay.
and onto this good life <3 br="">

"When a thing hurts your eyes, Dawn, stop looking at it.

When it hurts your ears, Dawn, stop listening to it.

And when it hurts your heart, Dawn, stop justifying it.

I love you so much,
    The Universe"


And So I did.... actually 2 days before this. But i did. I could no longer make excuses or pass off behaviors that hurt me and made me on edge. It has been making me sick and soul-ill. So not good. 


on  good notes, Maggie and I are enjoying our new home. Life is calm and good. We are healthy and I am in appreciation of all of the good things I do. 
Yes, this is good. 

good and niceness

I've come to know that I have been feeling numb inside for quite a while now, because when I look at images of forests, I get a deep, buried spark feeling. A feeling I remember, faintly. A magical, energetic thing...
Things have changed in life for the better as of late. I am single... same story different person. And same promise I hope to finally keep to myself. Because I see nothing changes, and I see why.
I have a new Brother. well, an old brother, who is Older than I am, who has found Andrew and I. It is such a good thing.
I hope it is always such a good thing.
I love my new home. Our new home, Maggie and I. Bigger than our last 'own home', but small enough that it is perfect.
Job is going well, sales are picking up.
Weather is beautiful.
Things are generally good. Really good. And Nice. And on the increase of good and niceness.
yes.

Trail pieces

As I walked the back trails this morning of my river, I think about life. I look ahead me and behind me and realize that the only thing I can see is bits of the trail, just what lies before me and just my immediate future. There are times when I can just barely make out te next part of the trail because it is so new and unused. I have to pick up clues like slightly moved stones and lighlty worn places where feet have been. But when I look behind me te trail is much more clear-seeif where I've been. This is life. I have to discerningly pick up clues, watch for signs and decide which way is best to go on a new path. And when I look behind me I can see where I've been and how each choice I took brought me where I am now. Sometimes I can see that there was an easier path- but I couldn't see it from where I was. And that's okay. I am where I am and I can see it now. I'll know next time I come this way.  

Life. And birds. 

Behind me I can see....

What I couldn't see before me....

children...

I walk into the living room and my sister tells me about the 4th graders in NY who were plotting to kill their teacher with hand sanitizer because she is allergic to it.... while NCIS is showing body bags and talking shootings on the TV in the foreground.
This makes me really know TV is a major player in the US's issues. No child would think of that, unless they saw it somewhere. Sure, there are sick children, there always have been, but the desensitized children in the US are this way because they see death in a myriad of ways on the television every day, on all channels. Even on the 'kids' channels, there are thing said that no one should say- mean things, hurtful things, and they are passed off as just words.
But when do words become truths in a child's brain, and then action, because they are so use to having that thought?
No more TV for us when we move. Netflix for cooking shows and nature programs. End of story. More knitting, less violence.