So now theres this..

So, we have had a lot happen lately. Mainly I went through my first ever Grief. Nothing has ever really bothered me before about death, because I understand so much about ..life? energy.
But Shane Killed me along with him for days. I went Numb. I didnt know I was numb. I didnt know I didnt know..
He was a challenge to me, yes. But did he deserve his pain? No. Not at all. Ever. So, In the injustice.. I grieved. I have never done that before. I loved him, even if I didnt like how he acted. And it made me sad that he was so alone. Had I known..
Anyways. Aside from that. Life is better coming out the other side. You know, they say Jeses Christ died to save us. I think Shane did. With the mourning came a release for me that I so very needed... I was ready to give up myself. I was too tired to do all the things I was trying to do. I would not have ended my life, but I very well could have been self-destructive and given up a lot of things I have worked very hard on. So, in that release, I am grateful to him for taking that heavy load with him, for me.
Michael has been sick. We think It's Lyme Disease. (Dis-Ease) but of course we cannot have it tested, the tests are usually inconclusive and cost a lot. So, he is on AntiBiotics and Teasel Root. He hurts all the time which is kind of scary. I feel bad for him. I am an herbalist, rite? shouldnt I be doing something about this? well... yea. Im not that kind of herbalist I guess. Or something....
The moon is beautiful tonight, the air is cool and sweet. I took a walk in the forest with the Dog tonight and brought home a Cottonwood branch. The most amazing scent... My bedroom smells like it. There is the faint scent of outdoor fires in the air, and it is cool enough for a sweat shirt. I Love this weather. Absolutely Love it. Sean Lane Hates it.
Maggie has gone to 1st grade, its good for her, she gets tired thought. And I think she can read more than she lets on.... I catch her reading random stuff out loud and I'm like- whaaaa? interesting. She is becoming a separate entity from me. It makes me feel strange.. like I'm not spending enough energy on her, but I know she is only growing and becoming herself.. not so much me. Not so much mimicking.
I love that I can see the moon from where I sit.
I love the Night Air.
I love that the horrid man upstairs is leaving me alone.
I love that I had customers today in the Shop. :) That one is a big one.
I love that Michael is so patient and Loving to me.. He is so good for my soul. Even though he does a few things that bother me, over all hes such a good mate to have.
I am beginning to miss Cable TV.. haha.. we are going to need it for the winter. I feel certain about this- common shop- produce tons of income for me!!
Well.. all in all life is pretty damn good, providing the dog doesnt eat any more of my shoes. Dan thing, sweet as hell, Stupid puppy.
yea.. ok.