Always....

I have been living in this world as of late... it is my solace. I have been going through thought processes while watching events, taking stock. Tomorrow is my 36th Birthday. It is decision time. It is understood.
This is my life.
This is who I AM.
I very much enjoy my space here, under the stairs... it will be a shame to leave it. However. What goes around it, is not for me. It does not serve me to be in constant conflict and turmoil.
So, with this known.. watching cycles through out my lifetime, I understand.
I am watching snow fall outside my window, knowing it is part of me.. a part I do not like to own, this cold, wintry thing. But.. it is water... so, it, too, is of me. Pisces.. Fish.
I have always endeared my Piscean nature. I enjoy my whimsical-ness, my deep emotion and artistic gift. I enjoy being me.
I will be preparing for what I am going to be doing in the next few months, get everything ready. Set all the ways straight out, get the path cleared and prepared. The Universe will abide and take appropriate measures to accommodate and provide my ways and means. I appreciate that.
So, with a slightly heavy heart, I face known and understood facts. I feel sorry for what is to come, though I know it is partially understood already and prepped for, so I think the sadness comes more for myself, in the solidarity of my understood future than anything else.
I will be okay, and I will be prosperous in my endeavours. Alone.
(exception of Maggie)

(... this is how my soul feels... all of my life. This yearning I cannot describe. The same yearning the character of Snape feels. I have never been able to find the fulfillment of it. Maybe it is the idea of beauty, the idea of love, the idea of all of the mysteries that come with emotion... but it always fades. The excitement and the fullness goes.... and the yearning remains.)
I hold the responsibility and promise of my own Soul... forever in this lifewalk.