and then theres always that....

Lump in my chest. Like my heart is contracting and suffocating me. Like A pull that I cannot find. Like watching the bottom fall out from under my feet.
And I want to crawl away until I feel better.
I miss the highs. I miss the ease and comfort.
I miss the blissful unawareness.
Its a gaping hole rite through the middle of me. And I cannot fill it, It gets harder and harder every day to find some sort of inspiration. Something to spark the imagination and creativity. No amount of gratefuls or inspiring quotes closes the gap, fills the space, ignites the warmth.
And a face I must wear.
This outer thing that shows the light I miss, that gives away thing I do not have. Things lost in giving too much.
I need a break, I need a refuel, I need to refill.
And I do not know how.
I want to be away... and quiet... to lay face down in the soft earth, smelling the soil until I regain some sort of composure.
I want to lay under the open sky and let the passing cloud remove the ache and emptiness like a dementor's kiss pulling it all away...

I know I need this contrast to allow me to do my work here on this plane. But, this time in down is so much deeper than the rest.
Please pass by quickly... lest I loose my way.

“There's such a lot of different Annes in me. I sometimes think that is why I'm such a troublesome person. If I was just the one Anne it would be ever so much more comfortable, but then it wouldn't be half so interesting.” - Anne of Green Gables