Life will ..

I am wide awake at 1:08 am. I was thinking about a few of my precious belongings, and I could feel the yuck begin to creep in, so i got up and made tea.
And Think.
I know I am starting over- again. This will be #2 major restart in my life. I did this once when I was 22, to come to NH.
and there have been several small reboots in between
But this will be the last one.
When I get home, I will not restart again. I am all done with major uproot adventures. I am too old for it, and I am ready to settle and live from a new perspective. A comfortable perspective.
I spent the last few years working myself into a place where I felt extremely trapped, and was very distracted until a year ago. The distraction was good.. but when it ended, the trapped part became a forefront thing that had me flailing.
It took me the whole year to come to my stop-point of just being ready to go where I have wanted to be for a very long time.
I have been working fast and very determinedly for the past week now to accomplish the goal I have set for myself.
And it feels more right than anything has in a very long time.
No more distractions. Just going home.. to build a life where I never have to uproot again. A life where I am comfortable and secure.
I have never felt that way in New England.
I came here to grow, to learn a way of being in my own shoes, of who I am - in ways I never could ever have done in the Valley. I had to have the outside culture and exposure and influences. They have gifted me more than anything could.
And now I will take this and go back to my world to put it to beautiful use, and give back more than I had ever had as a child.
I am grateful for the beauty of it all.
Rite now, to get it done, I want to hold onto the drive, the determination and not get into any of the fear base that holds me to anything physical - the belongings. I will take with us what is important to us, and leave that which is unnecessary. What a beautiful weight to have lift! I have always been told I have too much 'crap', and you know what? there IS too much unnecessary junk kicking around, and that is okay. I am looking forward to arriving with just enough things that I can pick them up and move them easily. I will re-collect things as I live along in time... and they will have good meaning to them. But for now.. Now, I am looking forward to new and happy sunsets and beautiful sunrises.
I am grateful for all who have crossed my path here in New England.