Find

I feel as though I am an awkward teenager looking for my place in this world again. I honestly don't know where I fit in. I am fine with my family but outside of that I am quite lost when it comes

To what I want to do or what direction I should head. I actually feel as though... In a way, if I release all of the lables and expectations I hold for my self, the thing I don't know would be able to be presented to me. Something I have no ideas about, something new and clear and unknown to me. 

And that idea is a very nice one indeed. 

Brain Dump

So much has been going on in my head lately, and I need a brain dump. Not for recognition, not got praise or acknowledgement- just to dump.
Social media. Social media is a time suck and has been a way to connect and feel like I have had acknowledgement as a person for a long time. It no longer feels that way. It feels now, as though it is a waste and a succubus. it feels like ego ad like it takes from my daily understanding and experience of the world around me. It is no good. I want to remove myself from it, but like any addiction, I am afraid of loosing out, I am afraid that it is good off FB I wont have contact with my friends and family. which is absurd. FB has made it so that i dont have in interact with other people, that i dont have to have face to face with others to know how they are or what they are doing.. but this is bad. I have lost personal contact with all of my tribe because of it. I no longer have hour long conversations with people about meaningful things, because i do not make the time, when i can just 'check fb'. LAME. I am gearing up to be all done.
life. changes-
I am getting older, and things are feeling like they are seriously shifting. for the calmer and for the  better. I do not know what the change is, but i know my life will be very different than it has been. I feel like i am settling into who I have become for the next phase of life. I have gone through the 'finding myself' thing, all the explorations and chaos and I am pretty solid about my self. I am great to learn about so much in this world, all about interesting things, to have knowledge like good, solid books on a shelf. At this point, I don't feel the need to travel far and wide, to uproot and change seasonally. I am glad to be grounded and work with what is in my realm now. I feel as though I am waiting and watching the world around me to see what I want to do within it. I am perfectly content to sit on my porch and watch the birds, maybe make a loaf of bread and wait for the kids to come home.
Business.... I am not interested in making a huge business venture rite now. I lack the chaotic flash of inspiration that I have done all of my previous major moves and builds. I don't feel the need to create amazing products to wow and woo the public with. I'm perfectly fine just hanging out. I dont feel like i need to prove myself.
Personae.. Sure, everyone needs to create themselves in life, to have a color and a contrast. I feel like I have done so much of that in this life. I am tired of the ego of 'witchcraft' and the cool kids in the square. I have no drive to be mysterious or selfish. I am happy to sit by and watch the garden grow. I am a mom, I have things to do, I have kids to care for and teach, a tax bill to pay to ensure our home stays ours. I have a man in my life to attend to in loving ways as I can.
Sure, I have aspirations of future house on land, somewhere in the back of my head... but rite now is the present, and I really would like to live it with ease and grace. I want clothes that fit and look easy, and I want my kids to have the same. I would like to take a building trades class, so I can do the work needed on this house (i never feel confident to do any form of carpentry).
But, now, I just want to be for a while.
Brain dump accomplished for a bit.

Connection

In these last weeks of winter I see that I have fallen into routine over the past 6 months. Wake up do the things I do for morning, get in the van and go to a place that exchanges me being there for money. I do things that aren't purposeful to my own living all day in a box, and I notice it hinders my creativity overall. I am not driven to be in the universal flow, not striving to bring change and light. I am in routine only. 

Spring will change this. A studio will move me into better connection with the multiverse. 

So much

I am so much more at ease- I found a new couple of jobs to replace the 9-5 I've been at since October. Daily work place yuck was starting to affect my daily home life in really negative ways. I am feeling so much more at ease these evenings. Ahhh.  I will put in my 2 weeks notice come Friday and start the second job in a couple weeks. As it is, I work part time at Misty Meadows, where I apprenticed years ago. I am grateful for the new things happening in life. <3 

I'll be needing stitches...

6 am Monday. Off to another work week. Making my way through life one day at a time with the information I have. Tiring up loose ends, making apologies, making new friends. 

Mountains and Wildness

You Don’t Need A Man, You Need a Goddamn Warrior~

“To my sweet wild woman, I know why it hasn’t worked out with anyone else—you don’t need a man, but a goddamn warrior.

You are the strength of Turkish coffee at sunrise darlin’ and don’t try to pretend that you’re not.

You are one of the wild ones, and no matter how you tried to hide that fact, you can’t be anything other than what you are—and that’s okay. You are just as you are supposed to be, magnificently wild in all of your chaotic beauty.

I know you’ve had your heart broken and I know that you don’t understand why it always seems to never work out, but I’ve finally figured it out:

You don’t need a man, you need a goddamn warrior.

It doesn’t matter if this warrior drives a Jeep or a shiny sports car, and it won’t matter if he wears silk or cotton—it will not even matter if he works in a high-rise, or on the night shift.

What is going to matter is that when it comes to taking bets on your heart, he is going to be high stakes—all the way.

This warrior of yours will crave your strength, and your intensity. He’s going to look at you and not see something to tame, but something to just fuckin’ admire. This warrior of yours won’t be someone that you can manipulate or play with as you have in the past, so honey, don’t even try—and trust me, you’re going to love him even more because of it.

Because you aren’t just a woman, you’re a goddamn goddess.

Your fierceness is going to bring him to his knees every single time he looks into your gorgeous eyes, but the difference is, unlike the others, he isn’t going to be scared off. No, this time, you will have finally met your match—because a simple man for you just won’t do.

You need someone to match the fire in your eyes with his own. Not only that, my little wild thing, but this warrior of yours is going to want to encourage the flames instead of trying to douse them with his own insecurities.

Because for you, a warrior is the only man who will ever live in the wild with you.

He may not have to slay any dragons to earn your love, but he would still walk through fire if it meant seeing that amazing smile that you hold in reserve for only him.

This is the thing, free spirit, this warrior you seek….he’s seeking you too.

For he’s had failed relationships that have left him wondering if maybe he was meant to be alone for the rest of his journey—and you’re going to change all of that for him. You both have been travelling along on your separate journeys and have been doing an okay job at it, but that about to change too.

Because baby, when you and this warrior of yours meet and collide—it’s going to be a love set on fire.

Don’t try to run this time—I know your heart has been broken before, and that you’re not used to things working out, but this time it’s different. Give yourself time to see that.

This warrior of yours needs to see that it’s possible for someone to see all of his wild, and still be there when he craves his freedom and ventures off into this world for a bit. You won’t always need to follow him, just as he won’t always follow you. Let yourself stay wild, even when all you want to do is curl up in that spot along his side and forget the rest of the world exists.

Let yourself still wander naked under the full moon, and drink moonshine with the stars. Let yourself feel the pull of the wind on your heart, and the sun toward a new journey. Because this warrior is going to love you because of your wild—and he’ll want you to keep it.

You’ll be in this together now, this amazing, crazy, chaotic, wonderfully heartbreaking life—because it takes a warrior to love a goddess. And it takes a goddess to show a warrior what real love is.

So pack up your insecurities and your ideas about picket fences, because that was never you anyway. You were born knowing that you were destined for more, and now is the time for you to see what all those dreams look like.

There is no stopping a love like this, so promise me you’ll hold out just a little bit longer.

Have a little bit of hope, and always give love just one more try, because I promise you my sweet wild woman—the love that you seek is seeking you as well. ”~

~ Kate Rose 

Https://www.facebook.com/wordsofkaterose

16 years and my Warrior, on paper, is as boring as white bread- but in life he is as brilliant as all the stars, he is as charismatic as all the laughter in a gleeful child's heart, and and gentle-strong as the most majestic morning mountain. 

These Seattle days.

Okay. Not really Seattle. But seems like it today. New England is rainy and not freezing today. It's nice. 

Maggie and I have a pretty darn good life now. I finally have my true mate- Tony. I have wanted this for over 15 years. And it has happened. 2 months in and I'm still really happy and content. 

All the things we both went through to end up here seem all worth it. (Tho we'd prefer to not have to do them again.)

3 kids, 2 dogs, 3 cats and family and friends. I think we are doing a-okay. Content and full bellies. Keeping our heads above water and things going along steadily. 

Fingers crossed and breath secretly held for no shoes to drop.  ;) 

I think we finally 'got this yo'....