Trail pieces

As I walked the back trails this morning of my river, I think about life. I look ahead me and behind me and realize that the only thing I can see is bits of the trail, just what lies before me and just my immediate future. There are times when I can just barely make out te next part of the trail because it is so new and unused. I have to pick up clues like slightly moved stones and lighlty worn places where feet have been. But when I look behind me te trail is much more clear-seeif where I've been. This is life. I have to discerningly pick up clues, watch for signs and decide which way is best to go on a new path. And when I look behind me I can see where I've been and how each choice I took brought me where I am now. Sometimes I can see that there was an easier path- but I couldn't see it from where I was. And that's okay. I am where I am and I can see it now. I'll know next time I come this way.  

Life. And birds. 

Behind me I can see....

What I couldn't see before me....

children...

I walk into the living room and my sister tells me about the 4th graders in NY who were plotting to kill their teacher with hand sanitizer because she is allergic to it.... while NCIS is showing body bags and talking shootings on the TV in the foreground.
This makes me really know TV is a major player in the US's issues. No child would think of that, unless they saw it somewhere. Sure, there are sick children, there always have been, but the desensitized children in the US are this way because they see death in a myriad of ways on the television every day, on all channels. Even on the 'kids' channels, there are thing said that no one should say- mean things, hurtful things, and they are passed off as just words.
But when do words become truths in a child's brain, and then action, because they are so use to having that thought?
No more TV for us when we move. Netflix for cooking shows and nature programs. End of story. More knitting, less violence.

stitching

There are days when events make me want certain things. Rite now, for sure, it is sleep, and comfort.
The 'heart' is not a thing. There is no solid state in which we can label the 'feelings of the heart' good and not good.
I opened that broken place that my 18 year old shut up safely, and it hasn't turned out so well. I wonder if people can change, I wonder if things can truly be better and good.
But for now, I withdraw. I just sit here, on a rock near a ledge, looking over a valley and wonder. And wait.
Will this just numb out and go away? Will I be surprised? Will I learn some new way of being in this non solid state of 'Love and Heart'?
Who knows..
Not me.
Solid Life daily motions call.
I will dwell there, and Look at this stitching thread made of fear and memory in my hand... and not want to pick up the needle with which to start the sewing...

Plants

I have been home with a cold for the past 2 days.
It is the only time I really have in the quiet to recollect and inspire my soul's spark. And always it comes down to plants. I love the research of plants, they make me truly happy.
Plants are what stirs my soul. I can spot a plant from afar, and know what it is, zero in on it, love it and want to be with it. On the side of the road, driving by.. in a store, at someone's house, and in the wild...

I love some plants more than others for their familiarity alone - Like Comfrey. and Calendula, and St. John's Wort, and Yarrow...

I love working with them, I love growing them, tending to them, teaching about them, making medicines with them and working with them....
Yes, they make me more happy than most things.

Certainly working on someone else's dream rather than my own as of the past year... that's for sure, and it stops with the building of my own platform this year. No more working for an ugly hearted person who.. I think... needs meds... hah.

(yea, thats been bothering me a lot)

We shall see how this year unfolds as far as foundational pieces.. but one thing I do know- It's MY Turn....

(say that in a Gru voice  )

create

 A friend of Mine posted this Today- and it is a spark.
"It seems to me that while on the journey to finding a career, a lot of people from my generation are no longer just looking for a steady income, but trying to make sure they're apart of an effort that the community or country or globe will somehow benefit from.

I just read an article by Lauren Markham about a young woman named Deena Miller who owns a farm with her husband in the Sierra Nevada. She has some really beautiful things to say about why she does what she does, and what made her decide this was right for her. I absolutely love her thoughts and really admire her career choice. In fact, this is the prettiest explanation I've ever heard on farming.
"I went to college for agriculture, but the more I learned about it, the more I saw it as a tool for change. I realized that, to me, the difference between the environmental movement and growing food is that growing food is really positive. You're saying YES, instead of asking people to stop something.
"My decision to become a farmer had to do with my feeling very strongly that farming is a nexus for social, ecological, and political change.
"Here, I'm building something. And I like that. I like that we're stewards of this land, that we're building the soil and taking care of the pollinators, the bees, the birds--it's just so positive.
"What's hard is when you're so tired, and your body hurts so much, and you're so poor...But when I get down to it, I think about a conversation I had with my mom that really helped me. She asked, 'if everyone was doing what you're doing, would the world be a better place?' And the answer is, of course, yes. Yes, it would. And that's why I do it."

I can say that i love this so much, because that is why I do what I do as well. I know that my trade, My craft, my gifts change the world for the better, small pieces at a time, one life in a moment.
There is a movement for the new year on FB about your "one WORD' your mantra... Mine is Create. "CREATE"
Yes, Live fully in Creation mode. Beautiful creations.
Full Fledged creations. Life explosions of magnificence.
 Apothecary. Herb Blending, Amazing product making, Teaching Awesomeness in Creation. On all levels on all walks in all ways. Grand Creations.

It's kind of like I am putting my life back together in the way it should be, but in a whole new light. 

 

Green and Grateful

this morning is full of rebirthing ideas and ideals.
This past week I watched as a life long goal and dream crumbled in my hands. I was handed a plot of land and a house- of my own, 4 acres, 4 bedrooms.... but it was not what it had once been. And it had rotted and dissolved into dark ugliness over the years. Though those are details and rather pointless they set the solid decision of change and release. (on my part, and the owner's part)
So, now, there is an open space where that image of thought had always been... for almost 20 years.
And it feels so clear. And surprisingly good.
The events of this past week have been very positive in spite of their seemingly crushing appearance, in ways I know I don't fully understand, but In ways I Know the Universe had planned and has in beautiful store full for me. 
And in truth, I am kind of excited.
My heart is glad. In some strange way, I know all good things are here.
I was so attached to this valley for THAT land, for THAT space.
And when I went... it was like a dead prison, a place I didn't recognize in the least. It was heavy, sick and dark.
and broken.

And now released.

And what a clear feeling it is to have done so.

And I am grateful.

:)

I am, this morning, delving into roots, Feeling my source, re-membering my earth, air, fire and waters.
More Roots than anything. A beautiful song and incense and flame filled morning.
And I am Grateful.....

gifts.

I really should record these weird eye-watering, dream induced things that happen in my life. The things Universe throws at me to tell others. The pieces of information I am to pass on that I don't understand, but wish I did.
But, I forget them in time, because I have done what I am told, and I keep going..
Only the massive ones remain.
But I know I cause ripples of change via the information, and that is what I am supposed to do.
Grateful, and annoyed all at once is weird.
The anger and sadness is hard when I am too late though... *sigh*