whirl wind

Sometimes I know somewhere in the back of my head that this whole thing I do is like a whirlwind, and if i stop to look at it it will all fall apart. I have to just keep going- dont stop to look around, just push on to the next thing to be done- because there is ALWAYS a next thing to be done. Once in a great while i allow myself a slight second to open my eyes, look at the things around me in whatever room I am in and whatever is in eye-sight, and say- huh, wow. ok. but then, rite back nose to the grind. I have moments of weakness, i have to say- when i am tired.. when I get soul tired, and I not necessarily doubt, but I have feelings of fear. Feelings of overwhelment. Like, dishes needing to be done compounded with child needing to be fed and crying, and a line out the door while i just stand there and stammer. And while none of this EVER occurs in this amount of intensity, it feels like it does. It gets scary when im tired, my thoughts have at time turned to- How am I going to do this? and Strange feelings of 'is this real'? or 'is this rite?' or 'do i look like an idiot to all around me?' But that was then.. and then wasnt so long ago. I now, know that i must be doing something right. People like it, people come back, people believe in what is done and in the soul of it all. People want to be involved... if i was not doing it rite, im sure Lynette would have stepped in by now.. hhaha.. I wish i could hire help at this time, i sure could use it. I, at times hope I am doing enough for Maggie. This all started so i could be home with her.. but that was when it was a home-based business. now we are public. now we have to be out of home.. which isnt so bad, cause our home is small.. haha. not a home, an apartment, where we live rite now.
My dream is still a house, where i have acreage and chickens. I thought i wanted a farmhouse.. but what i really want is a Victorian. With an amazing hearth and library and porch. And Chickens. :) Always the chickens. And established Apple Trees.. just 6. All i need is 6.
Thinking of the house and pumpkins makes me forget my fears and continue on... Love it.