Im tired..

Im Tired. And Im Tired.
I can't find damn BoyBoy.. Kris let him out and hes off somewhere..
I had a long day, productive but long.
I try to fight Love, but it continually comes back.
Maggs is exhausted and Sleeping finally.
Shop will be so much better in the coming months.
I will focus more and more.
Maybe Love will be dissipated as a refocus result.
Maybe correctness will come in.
I hope so.
I don't like the game, I love the Light.
I've been having nightmares :(
I want them to stop.
Why can't I have just good dreams, maybe like any one else?
My soul is worn, I just want to cry.
I want to be held while I do so.. where is my person?
Is it that I am not complete in my own self yet to have one?
I dont want what I've had- Trophy and Obsession.
I want partner, Soul Friend, Love, Understood, Wanted, Needed.
... Im tired.

Letter to Seth Godin and the reconfigure of Dawn

"Seth, Youre so funny. I just signed up for the little talkie place with a stipulation of reading Tribes or Linchpin. I have to say I LOVE how you are so personal in all you do. I hate that I sometimes get scared of being fully me, I sometimes wish I could banish half the people I know and am friends with so that I wouldnt even know what they said about my 'dorkyness' in the ways I do things. Yes, I admit, a lot of people think I should come with a warning Label, because I can be rather blunt in my inquiries of people, and opinions..I ask things others are too 'polite' to ask.. (altho I am not rude, I am just very.. 'all bullshit aside') or say, but you know what, I pull from the SOUL. I brush away the surface crap, all the Plastic molding that society has created to get down to who a person really WANTS to be and interact from there.. and you know.. I'm remembered. I spark people's query. hm.
this whole email is a big round look in the mirror.. haha!!
Thank you for reitterating the art of being REAL, & genuine; Funny and caring. It's the way life and business should be. I know that there is at least, in this whole wide, wide world, ONE other person like me, who wouldn't think I'm Dorky, and may agree. ;)
~Dawnie"

SO, I have been working on reconfiguration of Me. I realized that things are not how i want them in my life, I have not been fully living my soul's light. I have been in a flat place, like a blank sheet of paper.. just laying there on the ground. I noticed I had gotten lost, just yucky standing there. So. Back on track I go.. and I am looking for much inspiration. Seth Godin so sparks that for me some days. He reminds me of being fully me. All of my life there have been people around me (many , it seems) that make fun of me for being me.. that say Im dorky, something to that effect.. and they dont really mean it. but it still eats at me some days. The way the say it, is when i do something Unique they laugh a little mockingly and a little nervous and always always say- "Dawn, you're SUCH a dork!" and i know, somewhere in them they are a bit embarrassed at my actions, because they are out there and make ppl uncomfortable, but on an equal level, they wish they could be me, and be as open as i am. I know this is true. But Lately, I have really questioned who I am because of it. My out-there ways of doing things makes me question if i am doing them good. (??) but.. then Seth steps up and does things the same way- very personal, very honest, and very him. And it reminds me that - HEY! I AM. I am and I will be and I am unique at as doing things no one else is brave enough to do, and If it leaves you an odd feeling it's because I have sparked something in you that you feared but is good. so there. haha! And I shouldnt be afraid, EVER- because people seek me out.. often. (ok, maybe once a week, but still) How many people can say that people come to them asking for soul help? I have learned enough in this lifetime so far to pass it on, and I am proud to say that i am no where near as awesome as i will be in the future. I cant WAIT to see me at 40 and 50. Im so lucky, I feel like i will be like Rosemary or Susun (more like susun) in my old age.. with a serious twist of Christine and some odd light worker. A complete hobbit witch hearth mother light house. haha! altho never complete, but i pray i can pass on UNiversals for other people's starts. which i am already doing. what sparks my soul is the vision boards and the the gratitude journals. I, myself, use both, and LOVE them. LOVE LOVE LOVE them. I truly believe them. And I want to continue working with them and teaching others about them.
yay. I feel good.
and thats what is for me.. Feel Good. <3

day's worth..

Well.. today was our First ever Halloween Costume Parade. The Sun Moon Stars Clan came down, and we brought along some random people we found along the way! Seems kind of silly, such a small random group of people and kids.. in tired-state im feeling a bit like a dork, doing something so small and dweeby.. but you know - everything has to start somewhere.
Tomorrow we have Pumpkin Carving for the kids and adults alike...
wow, all of a sudden im exhausted. all i can say is that.. i feel like a dork but i have to push though it and keep going cause Val said so..ok, well, the card said so. :) keep on with the dream!!
Oh, and I am so extremely grateful for all of the wonderful people that support me so much. I am so grateful People keep coming back and believe in the dream.. i am so grateful for my friends and family. thank you so SO so very much.

New Post

So.. what about what?
Start with Shop. Shop is D-E-A-D. Why? My energy isnt focused here. This has become like old news to me, NO GOOD. How do i draw people in? I have NO idea. But i have to start. Isaac is being such a good sport. Press Releases are all i can think of..
advertising.
My focus has shifted.. I have opened to new ways of looking at things. It came to me a couple days ago. I am not a clinical herbalist. I will not cure your cancer.. i am a spirit Herbalist- i will help you to cure the root of the energetics that caused the cancer. I am not interested in the latest studies about this and that.. i am interested in how you feel, in how attuned you are, about what you dream and how you live each day. Yes, i will read the latest findings on the herbs i use, because i do not want to have contradictions in meds or actions of the workings, but i am more about their energetic signature.. Are they a warming herb? are they a forceful hers? will the peacefully engulf you in pinks and blues to lull you sweetly yo sleep or forcefully stop you in your tracks to put you out for a while? What you need is not always whats on the surface. I want the story behind what you tell, and i want to go beyond the modern medicine doctor's words and get to your roots, your underlying love, dreams and desires.
Yes... Energetic Herbalist, Soul Feeder, My bandages are made of love and truth and dirt.
is there a true term for such a thing?
i pray to find like mind..
onto Other things. Hung up the Penney and Train for as good as it can be. Attachment has set in, and heartache has ensued one too many a day. Unconditionally has it's pull after a while, at no fault of any ones. I am grateful for the amazing highs such things have gifted. but.. onto other things..
Fall has officially settled in, and all the leaves are blowing around.. its beautiful. The past few days have been surreal balmy. i know the cold is coming, and that is ok.
The New Mexico fam visited last week. What an amazing thing. I was in heaven, how awesome. *sigh* :)
well.. so much for this post.. im done for now.
just doing things that need doing today. Rote routine things.. boooring but mindless tasks that i would usually put off to the side as irritations.

conflict resolution rant. hello tyrade.

So, Im grouchy. Pat started my morning off with the usual pat-shit-bang. :/ then i come in here, to the shop, and get completely overwhelmed. the cat starts being .. well, Himself, and Maggs comes home tired form school which in turn, makes her cry and fuss at anything and everything. And then - bang! Chaos. :( SUCKS ALL ASS. I wish there was some sort of after school program she could go to so she would be occupied instead of being here, bored and cranky. Poor thing. She puts up with me so well.
Than there are all the little things i want to do in here- all the random coolnesses that pop up, that i just lose in all the chaos that is my physical surroundings. I hate the mess i live in. I want some clarity on all the stuff around me- i want the laundry and dishes done, i want the back room cleaned... i want the chaos that is in my soul lifted. :/
someone said that they live a drama free life. im glad. and i want to as well. I want clean, clear flowing life.
and i want people in the shop. A lot. I want to be busy, i want to do things that matter.
oh, and how about my man? WTF? hahah!! with this energy there isnt a man alive that would want to be near me rite now. Although being close to someone might relieve some stress- boost some energy. Even just a good hug.i am at the point where i just want to close down for the day.. i want to go run into the nothingness and play. but on the other hand. as strange as it seems, there's this mirror in the back room, and it keeps inspiring me. its calling me for some reason, inspiring me to work in the back, be beautify and magic it up. and Why not? I have always done so before, made things amazing.
I need someone to share all this with, like a partner in crime. someone to help me have drive.. they say that its all within self, that we should be complete and whole alone, that we need no other. that is bullshit. and i, myself, have spoken such bullshit in the past. Let me tell you- i am SO not innocent of this idiotic thought process. it is, in no way possible to know yourself if you are not reflected back to yourself via one of infinite ways. The human race being the top of the pile. We, as humans are pack animals first of all- so if you want to go with the physical, scientific proof- start there- we CANNOT be alone, its not what we are designed to do. and anyone who tells you otherwise is a bullshitter. Then lets go tot the non-physial- the Soul. How the HELL do people think they can know themselves if they dont have experiences with other people that engage the decision making process? we HAVE GOT TO make a solid label for the things we do and do not like- IE- Good and Bad, yes and Noe, up and down - this is for me, this is not for me- and in turn- THIS IS WHO I AM. and how do we do this boys and girls? HUMAN INTERACTION!!! yes, human interaction gives s the viable mirror to see our own selves based on the reactions and action we have and take in relationship o those other HUMAN BEINGS around us (Human Beings- We are spiritual BEINGS having a HUMAN experience Kiddies!)REFLECT. CONFLICT. RESOLUTION. DECISIONS. DEFINITION of self. Hi. this is how it works- and this is why we NEED other people in our lives. its is not NOT not possible to know your own self by your own self. light cannot know it is light if it has never seen dark. its just IT. no definition, nothing to use as a boundary to experience other facets of existence, no color to be had. we HAVE to have definition, just like we have to have bones to hold up the flesh, in order to move around and to experience the outer and experience r inner.

Monday, Monday...

yup. was a lot written here. Took it out.. Don't want scare the Wolf.(any more than i obviously already do..) Insert rolls eyes here, and a pinch on the arm for good measure. (hope it leaves a bruise.)

Just when you think...

you're at the end.. a glimmer appears. Like, Really? it's nice to be missed, even if just a little.
yea, might not seem like such a big deal, but to me it means the world. I suppose its that thing - you have to let stuff go, damn.. it needs its space. Cant grow while being squished, and picked apart. (was it.. is it growing? who the eff knows.. ) Leave it alone girl... damn you're a nut. *sigh*
Insert rolls eyes here. ;)
Yea, I know..
so.
I have been happy happy happy with this weather! I Love the cooler fall weather, it just does something to me. The shop is all Halloweened up, and I love that too. Its been nice to get into the spirit. I have this need to have something to color my world with.. something to play with. Its that whole hearth-witch thing - home, family, tradition. so, Holidays I love.
*sigh*
Well.. Bubble Bubble Toil and Trouble ;)