working on it

So... here I sit. I've been packing up all day. Clothes mostly, and bathroom stuff. Maggie has been watching TV. It's getting old. I was hoping to be excited about all of this... Today, not so much.
Today, I just want to be happy. I havn't been, and I am afraid of my future. I hope being at Michael's will be easy and good, like I imagine it.
I just want to be refilled. To be full of joy and excitement.
So I will have tea, and I will look at Pinterest.
Even Facebook is getting old. I am stuck in a rut. the same things every day-
I get up, I take the dog out, make coffee, look at Facebook and email and Pinterest, wake up maggie, take her to school... day.... make dinner, get jammies, read story - bed. Rinse repeat. I can't wait for it to change. I want to be all done. I want to be moved.
I want to center.
I want to meditate, I have not done so in a long time.
I think the biggest challenge is having so much stuff and not knowing where to put it. I know things will be good in a while.
sitting in here, by my desk, makes me feel better, it's helpful.
well.... *sigh*

disappointment.

so much is going on this week, I am very worn down.
I'm almost empty.
I found out what my landlords had to say about me. It was mean.
I have been so proud to help out around here for so long.
They told my new land lords that I don't get along with my neighbors.
(among other things...)
I have lovingly done so much... so much.
It makes me feel like just... empty and doing nothing.
I know I am going to get angry.
I know I am going to get sad.
I have done so much, out of the pureness of my soul, out of love. For no other reason.
And this. This.
I know people do stuff out of anger, I know everyone has their stuff.
But honestly, this hurts and makes me doubtful of people's judgements...
I know what I have done, so it's almost like when I am through the emotions, it will make me stronger in my convictions.
*sigh*
it just sucks for people to be so shitty.

seriously?

Like a Vague-Bookers post- my thought is - SERIOUSLY??
Yes, Seriously.
Holi shit.
So, Here's the scenario.-
I found out the 8th of this month I had to move out of my apartment AND shop by the 31st.
That is 23 days.
The night of the 8th I came down with fever, and was laid up until the 15th when I went to the Dr then the ER with Pneumonia.
One week unused.
Puts us to the 17th.
Planned a HUGE Blast out party of sales and such for the 20, 21st- SLAMMED all day both days.
In between the 17th & the 20th, packed the house and Mikey got 3 pallets stacked in his basement.
STILL working on the house.
Packing the Shop, Vendors have picked up most of their things.
Today.. Laundry and dishes in the AM then shop backroom for the PM.
Today is Thursday.
I have until next Wednesday to be done.
EXCEPT
We are supposed to have a HUGE storm Tues/Weds of ice and snow next week. Rains. Massive Rains.
And All of my belongings are in Basements. *sigh*
AND that eats 2 days of my moving time.
AND I still am sick.
SO. I kept asking 'how can I POSSIBLY outdo all I have already done?!?!?!"
.... Thanks Universe... Thanks. *Sigh*
and so I say- SERIOUSLY??!

....is tired, and grouchy and can't wrap my head around much at once. People are helping, so i wish i were more able to be pleasent.

I am so looking forward to...

I am so looking forward to...
Cooking things. Like Stuffed Bell Peppers and Cinnamon Rolls.
Being home on the weekends with Maggie and the Family.
Going PLACES with the family because I will have the time.
Visiting friends and family, Because I will have free time to do so.
Staying with Michael for November, and relaxing into home.
Being in the New house for Christmas.
Having a yard.
Birds and trees of our own.
Having time for herbal studies, and creating new things.
Maybe even painting again...
Calm. Being in control of my own life and finances.
Not coughing :)

well, Duh.

Apparently the only way to do what I have been doing BETTER... is to pull it apart in 3 weeks or less and completely change it. Throw me the biggest challenges, and I STILL rise above.
...One little Victory.

Christmas in October

Maggie is watching one of her Barbie Christmas movies. It's October. It's making me teary eyed. It does no matter when she watches it.
I'm trying to pull myself together enough to pack. I'm still very tired and not all together from being sick. I have got several boxes of books done though.
My day has not been good today. I will be glad when this is all over. When we are at least packed and moved out of this building completely.
the rest is easy. i will be home all the time to do all the things needing done. I wont have to worry so much about all the outside things that do not involve myself and my family. I wont be responsible to anyone or for anyone save for us.
and I like that Idea.