Woah..

First off.. holi crap, the editing format completely changed on this site. way to throw me for a loop.
Well..*sigh* I have a lot to say..
today I have taken the day off, because I am very Dizzy. (well, i dont know if i cam rite now, but i have been all day)
My immediate thought has been about the fact that people get upset when i close the shop- when i am not open. its interesting- raises the question- do they like what i stand for in the open shop, or are they just pissed off at life? Then it streams to self-esteem- is what i do worth all of that? for someone to be upset that i am not standing in the place they want me to be, holding spot for them so they can be happy? Because of what i do?
then we go to Arthur Pendragon. I have been watching a show called Merlin. I love it. it is all about Merlin as a young man- and what he does. I have always felt closer to that kind of being than one of jersey american plastic. I am a fictional character. Hm.. LightBuuulb. My Office needs more Pendragon and less .. stupid. ;) <3
so, then we come to FE's Flower Essences. i have started to take a flower essence Practitioner Training program with Christine Tolf (I love that woman.. i trust her and can actually learn from her....) Flower essences are pure magic itself. They are the energetic signature of a plant. They have ZERO plant matter in them. The exist purely of water and spirit. And they work! I am living proof. I love them. I work with them every day. They help me in my life. They are amazing. I will use this alchemy in my daily routine of helping others in a way compared to no other.
All of a sudden i am looking so much forward to re-doing my office. (Sun Moon Stars Herbals- An Eclectic Place for the Magic of Life).. i believe there is good in all modalities. I believe to put them all together is what true magic is.
Ive been taking inspiration form many things lately. From Merlin, from KatVonD, from my own Mother. There is true Magic in all of life.
I work with the soul. I believe in my heart of hearts that all healing comes from within. i think this is why FE's work so well for me. I Believe the root of the soul contains all physical life, and that anything and everything that happens in our life starts there. Thoughts-Become-Things. Some say Beliefs are a negative thing, that they are programs that we run based on the teaching of others. I say my core beliefs are a beautiful thing. some of them are cause of limitation, and those, that i can find, i do pull forth and change the way i am with them. I try to think back to their root, and formations, so that i can see what they were and then they, themselves change as a result. a new one forms- such as something negative form a past experience that i carry around, causing limitations within my own self-sustaining systems, becomes an understanding, something to see and look at and say- oh.. well, no wonder. I forgive myself for years of holding the belief and letting it affect my life, grateful for what it did for me, the turns and choices i made via it, thank it and release it. With the new understanding, gained form it, I can then interact in the world on a new level. Hopefully in a better way, making better choices and being a good light and carrier of good for whomever i interact with.
okay, and i just walked into my bedroom. The scent in there is amazing. Smells of flowers and Herbs. I love that scent. It seems that most of my life has been filled with such scents. I remember the scent of 'Stalk' flowers from being 16, and the smell of Cottonwood Leaves in the autumn. My home has always been a place of curiosity for most people. For me it is like a Wizard's Study.. and i love it that way. no matter how i try to come to modern society and clean up the place, making it all storage-filled and nice, I always come back to wooden storage boxes and papers strewn about. Recently i have noticed my home smelling of a depressed person's. Something i have come to understand is that people who are depressed- not living their light- have a certain way about them.  Easily distinguished if you know what you are looking for, first is the eyes- heavy upper lids. Then they have a scent about them, their house smells like.. unkempt places. My house has gotten like that recently. I noticed I had backed away from daily chores, i haven't been caring about what happens in my house, save for the sweeping (i HATE stuff sticking to my feet) ;) However, I am feeling rather inspired tonight. Tho i am still not precisely well. I am feeling dizzy a lot today. I know its because i have been working so hard for so long. The stress of the shop has made it loose its fun. I am inspired to change it up- to make it more Merlin Like. More Magical then Monetary. I have neglected the part of my own self that resides in what is my own specialty for so long because of the fears i hold about the place. I have been scared to fail. But, fail what? There is nothing to fail. I am living, I am happy- and no matter what the Lair of Magic goes on. I could easily shut down this shop, and open a much smaller one and make a go of it without all the other people. Funny thing is... I could do that now, and not have the stress of the things i worry about now. heh. ;) <3
Wow, that's been a lot to say. On to the Magic of this lifetime.
<3.... for Camelot!