the I AM choice...

This joy within.

The laughter at the beautiful simplicity of life. This is what my soul longs for, this is the path I am now choosing. 

Remembering pieces, like scents on the wind, I know it is true and real for me. 

This- the smile at the sun, the stance in the breeze, the soul cleansing Wash of Rain.
Mountain tops to echo prayers of Beauty from.

So, now - This is the path I choose.

I have been here Before, and I long for my return.

Clean eating, Soul clearing, Expression of Self. Flow of Energy into Universal Beingness. 

This first foot step.

A decision. 

the 

I AM.

Comfort of Fish.

Cashmere Mittens and Woolen Socks. 

Hand drawn Pages and sewn coverings - Like spells from within will color my world in song and dance in joy and love.

Laughter. 

Laughter.

Laughter.

Pieces of things, pages of places, air of light. 

These places I vow to dwell. These creation I pledge to build.

Earth Ship.

Grown.

Of my own Hand and Soul.

Clean and Clear... I step through the 

I AM.

The Beauty of Soul.....

Thank You....

thanksgiving day.

so, it's thanksgiving day. a stupid made up holiday.
I use to very much enjoy holidays. I dont understand why we have to have a holiday based on food... wait. Feasting days.
Harvest days.
That makes more sense. When you grow your own food and harvest it all, and the stuff that wont store, creating a huge feast. Now, that is a Holiday.
Thanksgiving is a made-up stupid thing about Pilgrims that have nothing to do with me. Whatever.
Yesterday was a very difficult day. Too small a space, too much force.
Today will be better.
I wish I could change perspectives on my energetic stuff. I wish things were different for me.
I am the one who can make them this way.
Praying for today.

This day.

So, this day is one of me trying to keep in my own center. It has been rather tumultuous around here. For once, it's not me making it that way.
Michael is a walking mass of force and static anger.
He says he isn't but I dont think he realizes how much he actually is.
Its not easy to live with.
I have been trying to not react, i don't really even let it make my reactions kick in to be stifled. However, it has caused a huge ball of unreleased flaming yuck in my chest. I dont know how to handle it, save for trying to dissolve it my own way. I try to talk to him, but it does no good.
I think It is ingrained. So... then what? If it really IS ingrained, am I willing to live with it for the rest of my life? I know the answer to that. We shall see.
I enjoy my quiet time. I enjoy the sunshine in the windows falling on plant leaves. I enjoy clean spaces of floor, and candles on a stove. I enjoy daydreaming.
I enjoy looking at pictures that inspire. I enjoy getting things done, like Laundry and Dishes... for the clean space and accomplishment they leave in their done-ness.
I am rather surprised at how easy it is for me to be in this situation i am in- I wonder if I have just shut off places of my soul, or if I really am at the point of being more able to be in non-judgement in moments and being in the art of Allowing. I know I am not fully where I want to be, lest I would not be here now, Working on this point, Learning how to be fully my own self and not allowing others to affect me.
My lesson today, that I would REALLY like the answer to - is how to not let Micheal's energy affect my own. How Do I stay in my own peaceful center without letting the angry seething yuck he emits soak into me? Its like I almost want a glitter filled Koi Fish Bubble of dreams around me all the time.
And in this- when I reach the point of self Where I want to be, what purpose will he serve in my life, other than a reminder to stay centered? Unless he grows WITH me in the same direction I am going, we will grow apart. I already don't match him in many of the things he is about- Video Games, Muscle Building, Violence...
He does like family stuff, and he researches things a lot. When he is in his spiritual center, I like it much. I appreciate his calmness. That is when I love him the most, when he is pleasant and calm and spiritual.
That is when I like all people the most. When they are in their heart center.
That is when I like ME the most too. In my heart center.
"Live in your own... be in your shoes, fill your soul with the beauty of you... and then it resonates to others. Be the Light. Stand solid in your Flow. Be your own Beauty by overflowing your grace and gifts. Rejoice your of own self,  Celebrate the amazingness that you are."
Yes.

and then theres... this. Where I sit

Where I sit is at a table made by my uncle. I am thinking of things to do, the feeling of ...expansion..longing.... something in my chest. I have been having better dreams at night. I can see a large plant from where I sit. I love the large plant. It makes me happy....
I am waiting, and finishing up old business. the shop is almost cleared of my things. I am really looking forward to saying nothing about 'the shop' anymore.
What do I want to do? Come back to my spirituality, have calm and quiet.
I am in appreciation of the goodness in my life at the moment. I am grateful for the abundance of warmth, food, friends, and ease. I am grateful that I can give back to those who give to me. I am grateful to love and be loved, on many levels. I am grateful for the music in my ears, the tools that I have, and the lifting I feel.
I am pondering magical things. Chimes in windows, plants, glass vials filled with oils, seeds, ingredients. Plants in hallways, magical items around the home. I am thinking of fairy gardens and forest moss.
I am thinking of sandpaper kitten tongues and comfort.
I am happy to be open to what is next.
I am happy to be open to goodness and light, to comfort and joy, to happiness and laughter.
I am open to new ways of creating my expression and using my gifts and talents for good things that benefit all.
I am open to gain of resources, to comfortable living, to abundant good.
I am open to means and ways.
I am open to respect and response.
I am open to appearances and assisting.
I am open to good scents and good sense.
I am open to all the good the Universe has in store for me, and I am open to receiving it fully.
<3 br="br">

Chimes, Light and books....

Saturday Morning...first 'family weekend' in the combined apartment.
I am seeing that by 8 pm I am so tired I get rather ugly. That should subside after a while of rest. Hopefully ;)
I am grateful that today we will get the big things out of the shop, and then it will be done. As done as it can be, save for the plants outside.
I am showing my old apartment to a friends mom this morning. She needs a place, asap, and if Brian will take $750 for it, Its a done deal.
Well. How AM I?
I am okay. I am learning to make do with what is the Here and Now, I am learning that it is okay, that things are fluid. I am glad to be stress free and that stress free will be a more and more prevailant thing the more days pass. :)
I got more sleep last night than I have since I have been here, and that is a good thing. I have been very tired. The tiredness will also subside as time goes on.
What do I want? I want ease and light. Laughter and love. I want to be in the flow and stay in the positivity of it. I want to be in my Magical Self and my loving self all of the time I am alive. I want to be happy in all I do, I want to prosper in that happiness in this world. I want to create beautiful things in Inspired thought. I want to healthily care for myself, keeping my mind body and soul in check and alignment with highest good, joy, love and light.  I want to Be, Do and Have all Good and Light Love. I want to be green, Be mossy, Be Earth and Beautiful Growth. I want to remember the deep roots of who I am at the Core, and Live that Magic. I want to radiate light, Shine with Mysitcal Love and share the secrets of the universe with others. I want to Flow....
I stand, here... at this juncture. Grateful to leave the heavy baggage behind, Free, clear and light - ready to move into a beautiful phase of life, ready to take my gained knowledge into the silence and  create a peaceful place of tranquil flow. Water, Chimes, and Beauty...
Standing in one place of Light and Books.
<3 br="br">

So, Election Results Morning- YAY! 'Bama's in. No evil Romney.

So. We moved. Shop has been shut down, Mostly cleared out, and the apartment is clean and cleared. We are living in Michael's apartment. It is cozy. It is for sure nice. We have our belongings upstairs and in the basement, and some at the New House. So far, so good. I Hope to keep it that way. I plan to, and will always work on - keeping it that way. I have found that open lines of communication is the key. And good sleep. Slept better last night. Haven't been sleeping well since we got here, but piled on another blanket, put more padding under me, and snuggled in for a good cozy night. it was good.
Oh. yea... and wicked snow tonight into tomorrow. Mike wants to use my truck to go to Strafford in the thick of it... *sigh* he is going to be very upset with me. I can't let him use it in the bad weather. He's use to his car.. my truck does NOT drive like a little car in the snow... Over correction in my truck can mean death or destruction of the truck. ugh. This will be uncomfortable.
Well, time to go wake the girl.

working on it

So... here I sit. I've been packing up all day. Clothes mostly, and bathroom stuff. Maggie has been watching TV. It's getting old. I was hoping to be excited about all of this... Today, not so much.
Today, I just want to be happy. I havn't been, and I am afraid of my future. I hope being at Michael's will be easy and good, like I imagine it.
I just want to be refilled. To be full of joy and excitement.
So I will have tea, and I will look at Pinterest.
Even Facebook is getting old. I am stuck in a rut. the same things every day-
I get up, I take the dog out, make coffee, look at Facebook and email and Pinterest, wake up maggie, take her to school... day.... make dinner, get jammies, read story - bed. Rinse repeat. I can't wait for it to change. I want to be all done. I want to be moved.
I want to center.
I want to meditate, I have not done so in a long time.
I think the biggest challenge is having so much stuff and not knowing where to put it. I know things will be good in a while.
sitting in here, by my desk, makes me feel better, it's helpful.
well.... *sigh*