Tired. And true.

We're both tired. Of course I'm scared. How could it be as correct? When I've thought other things were... But all the things I recognize are there. 

Breathe.

But she and I. We are tired.  We need this to be true. 

Leaves

I am seeing how New England has affected me.
It has changed my longings...
for leaves
and autumn
and zen gardens
and trees
and moss
and grass.
I do not like the cold weather for sure.. but this year I will miss the changing seasons.
I don't see myself living here for eternity.
The only way I would is if I was gifted the Poole Place. (or moved to Oak Creek Canyon... maybe)
I do not want to return to New Hampshire, but northern west coast is looking mighty fine.
I am seeing that I cannot create my life in the same manner it has been in the past, recreation of the same is not something that should be done.
And that is okay. 
It's like gleaning out the 'Who I Really Am' points and arranging them in a new and pleasing pattern.
for sure.

Sunlit path

So. I've been engulfed in some shitty ugliness at my job. It is really making me feel like junk. I am not doing my good soul-purpose work even though I like my job and coworkers.

It is very unhealthy for me. My soul is feeling very disconnected and rampantly chaotic from it. Like a scared rabbit in a dark wood. 

This is what happens when we don't follow our own light. My soul is currently not someone I know, it is part of a strange mass of lost things being pushed along in drama games. 

So, knowing this it is to end. It is to change. 

There is a slight comfort in knowing what I have been immersed In. What is a true comfort is knowing who I truly am and that I can gain a place in my own experience where footing is solid and the light returns to the path. 

Realignment and stepping back to my glad place begins tonight. 

And for it I am grateful. 

Dead ends and Magic

When I seemingly hit a dead end I weep and go through my emotions. 

And then I remember my magic. This evening has been something of a checks and balance time. Weighing what my personal system and beliefs in power are vs what I am doing in life presently. 

And tonight I did some magic for the forward movement 

My business needs to be put back together. It is time. I've said it now I've set the motion. 

Under my blessedly beautiful dry dusty desert moon.....

  

I set intentions and asked Raven for her help....

And released the how's to the Universal Magic of I Am. 

And in perfect love and perfect trust I know the funding for sun moon stars herbals restart and restock of supplies comes and starts NOW. 

Amen and Thank You. ;)

Fuck this.

I am currently livid. And disappointed and upset. My current employer is such a fucking nutcase that I can no longer handle it. She's threatened me one too many times. Today I was informed by a co worked that she said I had best wear my hardest armor tomorrow because of something I did wrong. I don't even know what it was. 

Something about 7mm bezels. And that someone is going to die if this shit doesn't stop fucking happening. 

I don't even know what I did wrong.

I am looking for a new job. 

Sunday

so, I know that being in a new place is scary, and always has doubts. Ive been here almost 6 months. I've been working and Maggie has been in school, we've moved and had to make a new community for ourselves. I know it took me at least a year to even start to find my good friends in NH. Of course I have doubts. I am rather uninspired as of yet. I have seen and done so much, nothing is really new and exciting, though there are times when I am so grateful for the sunshine and warm. Finally I am out of the dark- and FINALLY I can house and feed us. (barely- but it's getting better).
I miss K, and I miss Brandon, and I miss Eliza.. and I miss the trees and my little Rollinsford community, but. I don't feel like a failure anymore. I don't feel completely stuck and in a dead end.
i am just waiting for inspiration now.
and I we need to figure out this whole school issue with Maggie. the one she is going to is NOT working for us.
anyways.
People here that I have yet to meet are SO different than what I am use to. New England people are RUMORED to be ugly and rude. heh. I think NE has been pigeonholed into BOSTON... or New York. Cause what people think of all of NE is just Massholes driving. ;) New Englanders are genuine. They aren't catty and selfish. Rather communal people who hold each other accountable for their actions. Nice to see.
Interesting to have the comparison.
I want to go to Unity of the Valley today. I am wanting to be brave and go.. but Maggie doesn't want to, and Erica isn't home to hang with her. Oi.
I'll get there. I need to find my own new community, the spiritual one I am use to. Those who get who I am and what I know.
I do love sitting in the sun. I have to say.
And I got an English Long Bow 2 days ago. I LOVE it.
Love. not just kind of.
well.. birds and sun. :)

Jeez.

I think new Hamphire spoiled me. I think that this valley is pretty but full of flipping nut cases. I've not encountered this much drama in my life. It's insanity. I am really missing my nh community. Heh are normal.