So this is what heart broken feels like, fully and absolute. People falling from grace, Letting go of people through blissful love, people blaming you for their own broken selves.
I was blissfully happy for a while. Its good to know what that feels like- to be proud of yourself, to be proud of who you stand beside, to feel your dreams are within reach. At least i know how it feels, even if I again, have to wait for it. But I will recognize it now.. I know what it looks like.
I don't think I have ever felt this sad.. and there have been many things in life that have happened.
But, to rest assure- I am Piscean. I am complete Emotion with only enough grounding to keep me sane, so Emotion I can Handle. I live to feel.. it is my oxygen.
It is always said that one must be whole and doesn't need another to be happy. Yes, I get this philosophy... however. How is god-self supposed to know god-self without reflection? We cannot know the amazing beauty of Light without feeling fully the dark.. and so I embrace this sadness. I let it pulse through me, bringing on tears and sinking ache, so that once again I am reminded of how beautiful Joy is.
I'm sure I freak People out. But I am also sure that if i explained myself, there are those elite few that get it.
It's a rainy day here in our town. I woke up with Cemetery Gates by Pantera in my head, and the thought of singing Every Rose Has it's Thorn at Berrini's Funeral. hm. no bueno. I think I cried all night in my sleep or something, my eyes are a mess and I'm wiped out. Wouldn't surprise me, seeing as how I put on such a face all day.
Heh.. I sound like such a fucking nut case, and I'm not really.
I know the Universe won't let me down. All will be well, I just need a little time. Quite a bit happened in a span of 3 days.
And I missed Rush Goddamnit! Fucking Berrini and Amy. But, thanks.. I needed a contrast I suppose. oh, while we're at it, let's throw Brandy under the bus, too.. for good measure. She better hook me up big time and permanently. I gave up more than I was willing to. But I hope I did good.. all around. Trains are worth the effort, thousand fold.
Will be listening to Sting again for a while. He heals my broken soul and feeds the stream of flow...
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