:/ grr

so i feel like sht today.
i am stupid tired, thinking it was from yesterday, but knowing it may not be.. my left nostril is goopy. dammit. im an herbalist- i do not get sick.
i am hot, i am tired, but cannot sleep.
I wonder why i let people emotionally use me, why i cannot refuel to my needs.
actually i know why i cannot refuel. i dont have time. i have never known the phrase- need a vacation - more than i do now. i really need to take some time off, my back stock of gumption and reserves of drive and inspiration are gone- completely. i have been working this shop thing from the molecule up for the past 10 months - every day. I am drained to the point of overwhelmed. *sigh* :/i dont have fresh eyes to see it with. and i NEED them. how can i cleanse this???
Lynette is trying to worm her way into the shop by sweet talking me into giving her space.. she is playing on my strings of needing an assistant. but i know how this song and dance goes- she comes in all gung ho- changes everything, and then fizzles, leaving me with even more work than i had before and a sense of unacomplishment. she does it Over, and Over and Over again all the places she goes.
so, no. i wont do it.
Maggs has been sick for days now.. and she doesnt have insurance if it gets worse :( stupid fucking bonehead me hasnt gotten her shit in gear and done anything about it. yea.. in all my free time.
you know, I would say something about losing out on having help while Isaac was here- but i didnt. Which is neither he nor I's fault- he is busy in Boston, and I am so busy here. We just don't have it :/ which is crappy.
Its hot in Rollinsford- again. I was hoping we were over this, but no..
Maggs starts school on Thursday. Jeez. School. WHAT THE Crap??
i feel like my life is getting away from me so much.. i want to enjoy the little details.. what little details?
I live in a clusterfuck mess of shit all around me- all this crap in my house and she shop back room is driving me nuts. small place, too much crap cant think straight.
goddamn it.
i need a shower and a frying pan to the head.