Rainy SUnday...

It's a Rainy Sunday with a Super Moon.
all of this talk of Super Moon... Howling, 'join us for the super moon..'
like we could miss it. I now know why my feelings are so intense, it is said to bring up buried truths, to wrench things from you to look at. ooooOOOoooh... well then. Gee, thanks.
Did the garden tour, wishing I wasn't brain dead all the time. I am brain dead because of these allergies and being unhappy. The only way I am going to be happy is to DECIDE to be happy- to fill my time with good things that make me happy, that feed MY OWN soul.
I am seeing things as I look, happiness of others, things they bring to one another, things that are not of me or mine.
It is hard to stand in a position of knowing that my current situation is not rite for me, but waiting to see what is. I've spoken my piece, I am at a full circle in these things. I have more to say, and would like to be able to release and let all be happy. I never went through my own pain with my relationship to Patrick. I am so use to him being in my life that the absence of him makes me scared and sad. Is it just the familiarity? He seems so happy with his current life. I want him to be happy.. I never want him to hurt again. We both went through so much pain, it was so deteriorating.
So, is he right for me? In security- yes, in lifestyle.. no. He is with someone who likes the things he likes - the cheerleader, hair and nails, american society person. Malls, TV etc. Me? I am of a different persuasion. Soul, Energy, Earth... As much as I would love to have a nice house, neat clothes, be clean... I most likely will spend days chopping wood for my wood stove and humming as I bake bread.
so... I am needing to find my own center, to make my own path. To Be happy Now.. as he said.
He did it. I will look to him for example and smile. He is happy. And that is what is good.