this weather

..... makes me want change.
i am tired of living this way. i have grown tired of being broke financially. I want to be fixed and in wealth and health and happiness in ease.
I am going to apply at the shipyard. I am going to get a good job and walk away from the shop i have created. I am going to be stress-free and appreciate the fact that someone else has to deal with the details of making a business work, and only offer my services, leaving work at work when i go home at 5 p.m.
I am going to have weekends and holidays off.
I am going to have cable TV again. I am going to have my own insurance through my job for Maggie and I, and be off of food stamps because I will have plenty of money for groceries, gas, and clothes.

Yes.

so, the girl in the jeep. That drives by- blond hair, pretty- loves her life. always blaring music. It is good to see. I am glad for her.

Acorn Squash. I want to grow Acorn Squash, and Heirloom Tomatoes. And Potatoes.. And Lettuce, and Carrots and Beans. in a garden, In my yard, in the home I fully have financial control of and pay for with ease and grace.
This weather.
This weather lets me know I am alive, and have all choices. I walk in the woods, get lost in Rush's songs, and then come home and wait. I  know I dont want to go back to work tomorrow- because it yields nothing. I know it is time to change. As the seasons change, so do I. Most people change in the spring, setting things for new growth- but that is when i settle in- because it is growing season. The things i grow need stability, not change. The autumn is when I am most active about change, it is time to get where i need to be to hunker down for the winter, and if i need to i change my whole life. This year i need to. This year, i need stability- i am all set with the whole of the shop mess. I am done. I am ready to cut loses and move into something so much better for myself. Whatever that takes, but I want it to be good. I will make it good- I am starting today.
I want to make bread, cook squash, can the harvest. I want to have money to go school clothes shopping whenever it is time. I want new underwear whenever I want them. I want money to have a perfect running vehicle. I want so much.
I am 35 and I am going to make these things happen.
Thank you,
Dawn Evans.