Monday

Still not feeling back to how I was. I just want to feel happy.
I would like to say- Normal- but I can't, because I don't know if that is truly what I want- I want normal for ME. Not 'how things were' - because I have changed... I do not want to go back to homeostasis. Complacency of boredom and lostness.
I want to be new... renewed.. that is what my trip was supposed to let me do... and maybe it did, on a level I have yet to understand. Maybe it shocked me so much that I have been pulled from my sunkenness. If that is what is true- is this ache and sadness and anger and resentful storm only a change?
If I was looking at this from the outside I would say 100% yes.
I would say to the person posing this question -
This new emotional turmoil state is your old homeostasis fighting to stay with you as a new expansion arises and pulls you forward.
I would tell the person to just hold on.. and to follow their soul. To do small things every day that make them feel even a tiny bit of light, a small glimmer.. whatever that is.
I would say that things do not have to be the way they have always been, that change can occur happily and easily. That crisis mode is not something that has to be relived and relived... it can be a thought of the past. A new thought can come in and be in your own soul - a thought of "How would I really want this to be? How would be a beautiful way for things to occur and what would I want to see happen?"
... Those are the questions I would pose to the person asking...
and I like those questions. They give me a glimmer of hope.
Let me feel them, let me feel their ease and goodness.
Let me ease into money, lots and lots of money. Let me ease into a smooth life of travel and being independent. Let me start from where I am, From the here and now, From this moment... to step into my fullness and creative self and utilize my gifts and talents to pave my easy way.
I pray for these things, for a guiding hand and for the centeredness and drive to accomplish wonderful and prosperous and productive things in my life- NOW.
Thank You. I am ready.