Down and Up.

Im up- its not even 7 a.m. yet, and im up WITH coffee.
So, yesterday i did almost NOTHING. went to the bank and the post office.. big deal. wasted the rest of the day completely. When i dont have 3 things going at once, i cant consentrate let alone focus on anything. I have to be doing something major or many things at once to be happy. And usually i will complain a bit about doing so many different things, but oh well. Im busy and i feel good about it. Yesterday, i almost had some tears because if my stagnation. I had done NOTHING.. and was feeling it by dinner prep time. I know if i had at least a part time job, i would feel better about stuff, i am dreading my mother talking to me about not having a job, altho i have been sending out resumes. I am, of course, worried about Maggs in all of this job searcha nd being in a new place because i dont have a new school for her yet, and we havnt made many feriends that i would consider close. Granny said she would watch Maggs if i got a job, and that would be ok for a start, because Maggs loves Granny, and i know she would be ok. She likes Granny better than she likes mom. Honestly, afetr being here 2 weeks, so do I. And that sucks to admit. I was so thinking that my step-mom, (mom) was this great person who would have her bad days. Nope- unfortunately, shes this crappily angry unhealthy person who has her good days. She is a lot like my dead mom, she is not abusive though. She is condesending, rude, and rather emotionally unavailable. My Dad works his ASS off, and she spends money like its nothing when she is in a good mood. As in- $3,000 for a tanning bed, $3,000 for a bus, random trips to good-will, businesses, and on and on. Not that i knew any of this when i got here.. or before. Now, i will say that i am going to make the best of what IS now, but i can say, with a bit of shanme and irritation and greif, that had i known how she really is... i may not have come. Honestly, this is absolutely n o replacemet for Steven, my family or my friends. I will say, however.. Emily is close, and i like the friends Mike, Rita, and Melissa we have made, Its a new start WITHOUT the constant threat of Patrick (even if he calls so damn much!) and i really love the land here.. the sky can be seen, its so green, and smells so good. There are a TON of birds, adn aside form the random death-smells waifting through my house, its a decent apartment. (even if when i walked in i was like- uuhh.... crap. i could see why she didnt send me many pictures... aside from the fact that she doesnt have any cameras... she may not have) I have made it into a cute little place for Maggs and I.
I know i can make this work, i always find a way ;), and my best and highest intention is my Herbal Work. I placed a good sized order for herbs day before yesterday, and will be doing the Farmer's Market next week. I can do more of them in different towns If i get my bootay in gear, and get to them!! I have spoken with a couple of ladies that sell Strawberries about other markets they go to locally. I ahve also talked to the local librarian about doing Story Time for the Kids once a week.. i think that would be fun. The kids around here run wild with nothing to do. I am sure i could also make some money doing kid's art projects or some herbal classes for them, and a couple girls in particular would be VERY interested, i know. The poor things are always looking for soemthing to stimulate their minds, and i am afraid they will get into trouble soon.
Then theres the talk i have with Miss Rita about the restoration of the town.. thats a story for another day... but let me say that there is a town about 50 miles away that is a cross between Jerome and Portsmouth, and Medora could be that as well... ppl come for all over the world to see our covered bridge, brick plant and round barns. Now, all I need is the inspiration to get this all going. *sigh* :D. Lord.. Help me!