OK.. so first update since coming home from Hell. You know, i went through the whole disappointment phase while i was in Indiana, being home is now full of happiness and relief and gratefulness. I am so happy to be home.
I know that a lot of ppl dont know what happened- so i will summarise.
We got to Indiana. It was fine for the first 4 days or so... and then my "mom" started acting weird.. i thought maybe she was upset that my dad was going back to his job on the road.. he left 2 days later. Then it all went to hell. Katherine was mean, all the time- condescending about everything i said, made fun of me and was harsh once with Maggs and made her cry. (my kid knows whats UP!) Anyways, by week 3 I was scared every morning to go out and find out what mood she was in, to walk around that corner and see what kind of freakish day we would have. See, she wasn't physically abusive.. at all.. I pick up on Vibes, if you will. i FEEL everything.. and when i mean feel, i mean F-E-E-L. Things can knock me on my ass by the way i pick up on the vibration of them.. or they can have me soaring depending on their frequency. I have learned through the pat-ordeal how to control me reactions, so i am not ONLY reacting to what is around me, i can control it.. but this- this was HORRID. It was like reliving the wretched child hood moments all the time. I was waking up each morning obsessing about what that day would bring.. i could feel her through the wall that connected the store and my kitchen. Here's how it went- if you waled up to the store's door, and she ignored you, you were fucked for the day- there were only 2 days where that didn't happen after the first 4 i was there. I was in tears the last week and a half i was there every day. She was ugly no matter what you said. I did confront her 2 times previous to the last big day we spoke. I tried to talk to her about how she was treating me, she said- 'dont take it personally... everything is wrong'. I now know that was maybe true, and i really tried to practice the art of allowing, but it just got worse and worse and worse.. i was living in my own worst nightmare, my own hell. It was SO intense, and so eye opening.
End result was the last day i confronted her- the 19th? maybe 18th of June... i got blamed for my dad going into the hospital (2 weeks after i had seen him??!) i was told that Maggie is the boss of me, that i parent wrong, that i should have known all of the things i was supposed to do around there- because i had been there a month.. all these fucked up crazy details that i would rather not re-live. But, I knew she was all fucked up when she blamed me for my dad going into the hospital- He has copd, and heart problems,a dn they gave him the wrong meds ..... THAT is why he was in the ICU.. i was in Indiana and he is in Maryland. (sp?).
Long and Short of all this - My dad left when i was 4, I called him the night she shut off my phone (which was on a family plan for the last 3 years) because i was so scared, (she shut it off after our' discussion??' so i couldn't tell my dad what was going on) and he completely blew me off- i was hysterical and scared for Maggs and I. I was scared she was going to lock us out of our house liie she did the guy in the front house that rented from her... and what did he say?? "BULLSHIT", as though i was lying. END OF GAME. As far as i am concerned, the man never re-appeared when i was 18. He left at age 4, and thats it.. done.
SO, my Saint and Saviour Isaac W. Hanson Pulled me and Maggs from the wreckage, and we were home, safe and sound- I am eternally indebted and grateful to Isaac for what he has done. He, as he always has, held out his hand, picked us up, and brought us home. He truly is the best of the best. I really dont know where I would be without him.. and i dont want to know.
Out of all of this, i have left many gory details.. and they dont matter.
What matters is this- I know who loves me, I know where I belong, I know whats good for Maggie, and I have learned so much appreciation... For my Home, For this place, For my Family and Friends, and after last night's nightmare, even more for Isaac. I am grateful for the opportunities i have here in New Hampshire to grow, learn, be, do, expand... I am grateful for my wonderful friends, for my loving family, for home. I am grateful for coffee shops, peoples mindsets, and the true safety of this place as a whole.
Heh- dealing with Pat is NOTHING compared to what i saw in Indiana- piece of cake ;) Literally.
yay. :D Love and Light... and gratitude beyond measure....Dawnie